I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize