did you get engaged???
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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