Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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