Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have aggressive nipples.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
