Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
