After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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