I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
