My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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