Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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