Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
