He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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