Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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