Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
