You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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