can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Randomize
