"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
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