When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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