ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
