You just made me feel so damn special
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
