P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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