Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
