At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can't put those talents on a resume
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
