the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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