At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
