She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
