You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
