how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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