ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
