I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
