She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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