Don't you send me to vm
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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