I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
