Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
