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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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