my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
