So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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