drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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