Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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