a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
