I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
someone owes me an orgasm
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
