we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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