I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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