I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
