I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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