Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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