I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
