Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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