No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
