I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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