I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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