Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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