I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
