last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
