i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
