She's JV to your varsity
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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