That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
