omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
