he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
