I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
