I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
