I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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