I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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