I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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