I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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