i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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